Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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