Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
