i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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