win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
