somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
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