I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
