Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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