I cockslap morals
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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