i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
