She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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