I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
