What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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