Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
3pm strippers are depressing
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
