Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
