Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
