I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
