Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
