No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize