Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
