Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
