What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
