look no pants
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
And then my night got REAL pukey
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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