We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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