Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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