how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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