I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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