You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I think my vagina is haunted
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
