they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize