if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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