you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
