i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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