Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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