I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
And then he peed in my hair
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