Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
