Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
