so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
