3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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