Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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