we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
