Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
