Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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