Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
