sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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