...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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