He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
