he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
