i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
