I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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