He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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