Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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