We're facebook friends in real life
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Randomize