even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
