He asked to "fluff my boner.."
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize