Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
