I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
