I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
