she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize