WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Randomize
