you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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