Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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