He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
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