Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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