i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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