if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
We need a shit load of segways right now
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
