That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Randomize
