at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Idk if I want to put a bra on
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
