felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize