After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
