do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize