You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Randomize
