my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
even my farts smell like vagina
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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