I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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