VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
