I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
