my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
