Joe is yelling at the trees again.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
