Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize