i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
