Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You pole danced in your parka.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
