Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
