About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
