How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
