Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
