the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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