my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
