You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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