I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize