Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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