I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
