I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
