So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
