fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
