like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
