It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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