kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
