I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
