So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
