It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
