I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize