Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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