make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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