i always forget guys have bellybuttons
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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