Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
