Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
